18 Funny first lines of books PART #1

Aloha people! I don’t know what that means but I hope it’s something close to Hello!
This time I got inspiration from somewhere (I can’t remember) where I read the famous first lines from various literary masterpieces! And I decided to bring to you most hilarious first lines.
And believe me I picked out the best from what I read and they are amazing in a weird kind of way! And I was kind enough to add my first reactions on reading the quotes.
So sit tight!

1) BREAKING UP
Author: Bill Manville

“I don’t know how other men feel about their wives walking out on them, but I helped mine pack.”

[Other men will be elated and will dance with joy after hearing this! And also how did you manage to drive your wife away?]

2) THANK YOU FOR SMOKING
Author: Christopher Buckley

“Nick Naylor had been called many things since becoming the chief spokesman for the Academy of Tobacco Studies, but until now no one had actually compared him to Satan.”

[Pass. I’m speechless on this one.]

3) I, PARTRIDGE: WE NEED TO TALK AbOUT ALAN
Author: Alan Partridge

“When I was 8 years old, I suffered a nosebleed so profuse and generous I bolted from the schoolyard and sought solace in the first class countryside of Norfolk.”

[I wish I can run away not that I want the nosebleed!]

4) THE LOST CONTINENT
Author: Bill Bryson

“I come from Des Moines. Somebody had to.”

[Yeah and somebody had to write that too!?]

5) THE CROW ROAD
Author: Iain Banks

“It was the day my grandmother exploded.”

[Exploded? Really?]

6) PRIDE & PREJUDICE & ZOMBIES
Author: Seth Grahame-Smith

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.”

[What happened to this one? The original was way better!]

7) SEVEN UP
Author: Janet Evanovich

“For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were simple–I wanted to be an intergalactic princess.”

[Intergalactic princess? Is there even a thing like that? When I was little I didn’t even know how to spell INTERGALACTIC!!]

8) MACHINE MAN
Author: Max Barry

“As a boy, I wanted to be a train.”

[You are a human being. You can’t become a non-living object when you grow up!]

9) I CAPTURE THE CASTLE
Author: Dodie Smith

“I write this sitting in the kitchen sink.”

[Either your sink is too big to wash only dishes or you are too drunk to notice that it’s just your bathroom tub.]

And since they are too much for a single post I am going to continue them in another post! Be sure to read that too!

-Vrushali

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Author: Vrushali

I'm a under grad student on the path to become an accountant but that doesn't stop me from loving books, art and writing among many other things. I blog about all of them and all things that make life worth living. Check out my

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