I completed my short story for competition!

Hi everyone!
I decided to take part in LyfWithEm’s short story writing competition which was announced a few weeks back. And I didn’t know then that I suck at writing short stories. Really. I had to write a story within 500-1000 words and I was finding it very difficult to adhere to the word limit. But I kept it 600+ words which is good. Its like I’m not made for short stories. That means I’m made for writing novels? I don’t know that yet but I’ll find out soon. So here’s my story and please I request you to not read it with high hopes because I don’t write great and this is my 2nd short story that I’ve written in my life. So please bear with me. The topic was haunted/isolation. I did a mix of both.

“Hey, wait a minute!! I’m coming!” I almost screamed to Judy. She’s my best friend and we’ve been together for 6 years.
Few days ago, I read in a magazine, the Funderland Amusement Park, found in 1910 was not popular at first but it came into headlines when 7 people died unexpectedly and all were sitting in the Roller Coaster. Or Sam’s roller coaster as they all call it. Sam Winters was a officer who checked the rides before the park opened for public. One day he died while checking the roller coaster. No one could solve this mystery of his death.
And Judy loved to test these horror and creapy redes. And worst, she took me with her. Every time. And I couldn’t say no.
When we reached there I looked at the gate and it looked a little weird to me. Long lost parks don’t have such shiny gates. But I removed the thought and concentrated on detesting her decision.
“I don’t see anyone!”
“Shut up! You can’t spot ghosts just when you enter!” I snapped at her.
“Whoa! Someone needs to slow down”
“I’m-I’m sorry. I just feel tired.” I took out my handkerchief to soak up the small drops of sweat that had now formed on my forehead. I patted it on my forehead. I was really feeling sick: not normal sick, just a weird kind of sickness, the one you get when you continuously turn round and round and round and the whole world turns woozy and you don’t know what to do.
Then I saw Judy run through the gates and towards the darkness. I felt a strange presence. I knew something was wrong with this place. Although I don’t believe in ghosts but whatever was present here I didn’t like it. Not at all.
I have to save her. I have to get her back. I thought and ran in the direction she went.
I think I just saw a mary-go-round start by itself.
“Judy! Judy come back! Where are you?”
“Behind you!”
I turned back, “Oh my god Judy you scared-“
There was no one there. But I heard her voice. Or I thought she was here.
I didn’t know what was going on but I pretty much hated this place now.
What should I do? Leave her here and go back? Was I that scared to leave my best friend in a park full of things I didn’t know. No. I’m going to find her. But how? And if while finding her something happens to me?
These negative thoughts hovered around my mind. I decided to find her anyway.
I walked to the Roller Coaster first thinking she might have gone there. I saw the coaster and only one thing came out of my mouth-“Judy-“. The Roller Coaster was something I can’t describe in words. The atmosphere reeked of a presence so strong that the whole coaster was surrounded by a white fog. I heard her voice again. But this time it sounded weird. Like there are many voices speaking with her. I saw her coming towards me. She was walking with a limp and her face was bruised so badly that her left eye seemed to have lost every sense. I knew she was not Judy. I waked out of  my thought and I ran and ran till I got out of that amusement park.
And that was one year ago. You want to know what happened? I left her. Yes I left her. She didn’t came home that night. And her body was never found.
The guilt consumes me everyday. The guilt that I didn’t help her. The guilt that I was alive and she was somewhere else.
*The End*

And if you reached here it means two things- you just scrolled down here or you just read what I wrote.
If you belong to the second group what do you think of it? I know it’s not great and I’ve to improve. And if you, my writer friends, have any suggestions or you want to point out my errors, you are free to do that. Just comment below! 👇🏻

-Vrushali

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Author: Vrushali

I'm a under grad student on the path to become an accountant but that doesn't stop me from loving books, art and writing among many other things. I blog about all of them and all things that make life worth living. Check out my

39 thoughts on “I completed my short story for competition!”

  1. First of all I must say that you did a nice job in less than 1000 words, EXCELLENT!
    but about the errors I wanna tell you a truth: Stephen King claims that even all the best authors in the world can not write without errors & mistakes! That’s why we have editors!:)

    I liked it Vrushali;)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh thank you so much. This really means A LOT! I find it very difficult to think of a real story. And this was just spontaneous and I developed it as I went ahead. And so it turned out to be little weird. But I’m glad you liked my story. You made my day! ^_^

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Vrushali..this was awesome!! I think you did a super job creating a of the fees in under 700 words! Give yourself some props…I don’t think short stories are particularly easy

    In my opinion any errors remained in the fluidity and grammar…all easily fixed with some editing. Don’t think twice about it…you got the message and the feels across perfectly. Good job!

    And I with be glad to read anything you write! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you so much! I am now trying to write more which I never did before. And it feels so good to have such nice people like you who write wonderful things.
    Thank you for reading and I’ll try to edit any mistakes which I can spot. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This was a great short story, I really enjoyed it and the last line “The guilt consumes me everyday. The guilt that I didn’t help her. The guilt that I was alive and she was somewhere else.” Really nice ending to the story really well written and I’m sure if you keep writing you will come up with another great story. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Vrushali, I probably would have run too..like seriously! Your descriptions are good, your style of writing is good too. Keep up the good work! I wish to write horror too..I need to feel myself in one before..nothing ever scares me, (atleast in terms of horror) that’s the prob.
    Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s my problem too! I don’t get scared and to tell you a secret I was finding it very difficult to write a story that scares me. But honestly telling I wouldn’t get scared if I was In the narrator’s position. But we can just try to create atleast something that’s close to scaring us!
      Thanks for your appreciation. I’m really glad you liked it. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  6. “I left her. Yes I left her. She didn’t came home that night. And her body was never found.
    The guilt consumes me everyday. The guilt that I didn’t help her. The guilt that I was alive and she was somewhere else.”

    You did an awesome job capturing the essence of these spiritual exchanges.
    The temporal world and the spiritual realm dance together.
    Well done.
    GWWT

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is AWESOME! Very well written. Please keep writing and posting. You’re definitely wrong if you think you cannot write short stories. I loved this! Especially the ending “I left her. Yes I left her. She didn’t came home that night. And her body was never found.
    The guilt consumes me everyday. The guilt that I didn’t help her. The guilt that I was alive and she was somewhere else.” Really amazing ending to the story really well written. Thanks for sharing. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! You know that was my first ever short story and all the time I was feeling “Writing it was not a good idea. Posting is neither too. People will laugh at the ending.” But I posted it and I’m glad I did. Thank you so much!!!

      Like

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