Should I leave blogging? This can be my last post…

Do you sometimes feel as if you’re not good enough?
I’m having that thought now.
I was given my Accountancy marks yesterday. Before that, FYI Accountancy is one of my favourite subjects after Economics. I’ve been practising and solving last years question papers. So you know that I didn’t take this lightly. Actually, in the matter of studies,ย  I don’t take anything lightly. And I’ve my finals starting from 1st March. So you can see how less time I’ve to revise and score 95%. This is a target set by my father. And I was determined to achieve it until yesterday.
I got 60 out of 80. And that’s 73%. Nowhere around 95%.
I’m not really so psycho regarding marks but this is different. I studied so hard and I got this. I don’t how or why I got such less marks. I just know that this was the last exam before the finals. This was the last time I would’ve been able to review myself. But I got 73%.
Let me tell you more about these finals that I’m stressing over. The finals are the last exams in the life of a student in India. After passing we go into college. We require great percentage to go to a reputed university. Doing the entire class and giving the exam again is not an option because firstly, it wastes your entire one year and secondly it can be a major cause for humiliation (repeating a class is not cool.).
So I’ve my one and the only chance to score good. Also ignorant neighbours and forgotten relatives remember you on the day the result is announced (somewhere around mid-May). They call you and ask you pointless questions about your percentage and if they have a son or a daughter giving the same finals then great! They now have a chance to compare you to them. They have no shame on comparing two different children and then boasting about their son or daughter if by chance they got more percentage.
This is just a dirty system in India which I openly detest. And I gave them a chance to insult me indirectly for my grades.
And I scored a 73%. This means I’ve very less chance to go even above 90%. And considering I’ve benn pretty good in studies all my life (in class 1 I got a 99.75% too) and now just slipping to 73% is making me mad. Sorry for the repeated use of 73%. This is just one subject but having this reduces the chances of achieving above 90% after taking out the average of five subjects.
This takes me to my decision of leaving blogging for 2 and a half month. I know its a really long time and I won’t be able to live without it but I’ve to this. I’ve lessen the time I spend here for some weeks.
Or maybe I’ll post something every once in a while to let you know what I’m upto.
I even thought of deleting the WordPress app from my mobile. But I can’t do it. I love WP and you all very much.
And blogging continuously instead of studying makes me question myself- “Am I being a good daughter?”
I promised my parents that I’ll get good grades and I’ll make them happy. And I’m nowhere near to doing that.
I don’t even know why I wrote this. And what I’m doing.
I just wanted to apologize deeply for allnthis and being inactive in advance. Maybe I’ll comment and like and read your posts sometime. But I won’t be able to promise it.
God, I feel so silly.
And I’ve not yet told my parents my marks. I can’t find the courage to tell them. I start crying whenever I think of them and the marks. And I’m crying since morning and I know its pointless but I can’t stop my tears.
I literally lied to them that I’ll get my marks this Saturday because then I’ll have time to plan how to tell them.
I’ve to go study now.
Byee and please pray for me so that I achieve that 95% target.

-Vrushali

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Author: Vrushali

I'm a under grad student and I love books, art and writing among many other things. I blog about all of them and all things that are beautiful!

47 thoughts on “Should I leave blogging? This can be my last post…”

  1. You can take frequent breaks, just, please, don’t leave forever.
    I too am starting university soon, and I’ve been trying to work out how to balance studies and blogging. I hope things work out for you (it’s very disappointing when you don’t meet a goal that you’ve been working hard to meet). I also know what you mean about nosy family members who “mean well”…
    It’s never too late to get the score you want, though ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can actually relate so much to this post seeing as how Bangladeshi and Indian cultures aren’t really extraordinarily different–especially when it comes to studies. I think you are doing a smart job taking a break from blogging, you should always put your studies first. As for getting 95%…trust me, keep working hard and you’ll get there. I’ve been exactly where you are a few months ago, and I understand how difficult it is to accept that despite all of your hardwork you still couldn’t reach your goal. I remember how much effort I had put in for Economics A-levels, I was even confident during and after the exam and yet I ended up getting a B (that’s below 80%). So yeah, I get what you are going through. But you have to keep going. You have to be strong. There is absolutely no other way to get through this.

    Best wishes to you, lovely.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Don’t ever think your not a good daughter or person. Because you are wonderful! I’m sure we all understand why you’re taking a break. Sometimes breaks are good. And we will all miss you in the time that you’re gone. But I personally understand. I hope you do well in the rest of your studies. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  4. all the best for ur 95% target vrushAli .u have more stress so only u took ths dcsn.defently u will get 95% n future bt reason s ur confident not fr blog clossing ..when u start feel aby ur marks s low defently u get good marks n future frnd.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Everyone gets bad marks at some point, don’t worry! Even I’m facing the same problem and even I’m thinking of giving up on wp for two months. And honestly, think of your marks only. Don’t ever compare yourself with others because you can do anything, okay? ๐Ÿ˜Š
    All the best for your board exams!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. It hard to believe that we gonna miss your post for couple of months ..I have not yet started blogging since i am a beginner in this platform.At the same time your weekly meme or theme makes me interesting to follow your blogs.I never missed any chance to follow your blog and read it when got time.well we all understood it’s a much needed break for your future. I just got one suggestion to wrap up for your bond to blogging,write the blog once in a week that scribles what happening for the weekend.it’s just a suggestion and if it’s make a disturbance you can skip that at the same time…cheers and be happy..!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. I think it’s a great idea. And I’ll definitely do it. And I love blogging so much that dedicating half an hour for a post seems great with studies. Thanks again. I’m glad someone reads my blog with some level of enthusiasm. You really made my day! ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 2 people

      1. well its a good to hear that you feels better with my idea…!! looking forward to hear out your board exam results very soon…!! yours followers will blast out that moment…lol cheers and good day!!

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow, Vrushali that is a lot of stress and pressure for one person! I say take the break! Of course school is always important, and it seems that low marks are even worse for you. I can’t even begin to imagine it.

    Your goal of 95% is admirable and I do wish you the best of luck in your studies, remember that whatever percentage you do get you are a brave and intelligent person, the percentage is not you.

    We will miss you, but don’t worry about us…we will be here when you are ready to come back ๐Ÿ˜€

    Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Stress and pressure are both so horrible and I know the feeling. If you need the break take it. Yes, school is important, but it also isn’t the most IMPORTANT thing in the world, and if you enjoy blogging then keep going at week-ends, and holidays. Good luck in everything โค

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Some advice if that is OK. I have days where I am flooded with things but I am a serious multi tasker unless I am dealing with tech calls and flustered. What I suggest, not knowing your school schedule as to whether you are doing 3 hours a day for 15 credits or more. I suggest what I do. I hit writer’s block at times and do other chores and get a couple of quick ideas. For you it could mean homework or studying is a pain and need a break. Then write a post. Or the opposite write early and hope that sharpens your brain up and makes it easier to absorb your school time and make it easier to do homework and study. i used to do 3 hours in a row as I had a 90 track workout, then had a live in gf whose practice I would go to and while waiting I would do some of my hw or studying. I also used being in class early to do a little before the prof arrived. Also, many times the class work was listed and I would do that while waiting and then start hw while the prof was going over the classwork while I listened. Now WP is keeping drafts, so you can easily start something and come back to it in increments.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow..that is a great idea. I usually write posts when I take a break in between studying but now I think I will not be able to even take a break. Though it’s necessary to take one.
      But in between eating dinner or something like that I can try to write something and of course that’s worth reading too because I don’t think I’d like to write anything which is just plain or something like that.
      Thank you so much and I’ll surely try to save time while writing posts and post them whenever possible.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh, breathe, my dear. I know there is pressure to perform, but your scores are a tiny part of life and will make very little difference in the long arc of your year. If you take a break from blogging everyone will understand and wait for you. Honor whatever it is you need. Breathe and smile and do what is good for YOU.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I’m just so confused and I’ll take a temporary break and not a permanent one. I definitely can’t live without blogging. Thank you for your words. I do feel better and I don’t really think the marks matter so much but in my life now, they do matter. But after this phase is over no one will care about the marks.

      Liked by 2 people

  11. If you have done your best, then isn’t that all you can do? Don’t pressure and stress yourself out so much over a test. It is not the end of everything. There is always another way and something you can do differently. Your life is too short to sit and worry.. Think about it, is anything really accomplished by worrying? Does it solve anything at all? If it does, then keep worrying… Take positive steps to do the best you feel you can do if you did not give it your best shot. Then, don’t worry about what other people think so much.. Only you can make yourself feel less important than you are in this world. Don’t let others push you down to elevate themselves above you. Every person has their own strengths and talents. Use the talents you were given to the best of your ability. Every one has a special talent or gift. Then you can look yourself in the mirror and say ” You did the best you can”. Never give up… keep going…. put one foot in front of the other . That first step is the hardest to make…… but you have to make it to make anything happen in your life..

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Wow. Reading this just made me realise how stupid I was just a week ago, thinking I’d quit blogging. I could never do that. And even if I don’t have that much time to write a post, I make it a habit to at least all the other posts. And thanks for the awesome advice and I know these grades will never judge me but at this point in my life till ome more year I guess , these grades will remain as my identity. So I’ve to make sure they’re good and of my level. I’ve been good at studies from very small and If now, at the end of the school, I don’t study then I’ll really regret it. But I get your point though and I’ll do the best I can.
    Thanks a lot! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Marks may seem really important at the time but don’t worry, you’ll manage to get through it! You have my support! If blogging just doesn’t seem right and you want to stop, you’ll always have my support! Don’t forget, as cheesy as it sounds, every cloud has a silver lining! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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